Growing up, Donauta Watson-Starcevic ’18 had her life all planned out. She was going to go to college and become a lawyer. To make her dreams come true, in high school, she earned good grades, excelled during mock trial competitions, and was student body president. But her plans came to a halt when she learned that she was undocumented. “Finding out I was undocumented completely changed my life,” said Watson-Starcevic, who was born in Jamaica and came to the United States when she was six years old. “You have these goals and dreams for yourself, you have this idea of who you want to become, and in an instant, it’s taken away from you. I didn’t choose to come here, but yet I was being punished for this thing I had no control over.”

As a way to cope with the loss of her dream, she turned to the thing that always made her feel whole, writing. “Whenever I was frustrated about my status, I would write. I wrote all the time. And when I couldn’t find the words, I would find other ways to create. It was a way to cope with the pain and sense of being out of place.” Years later, writing remains Watson-Starcevic’s refuge. She, along with other undocumented students across the City University of New York (CUNY) system, are sharing their stories of courage, pain, fear, and triumphs in a new anthology from PEN America, Dreaming Out Loud: Voices of Undocumented Students. The writings were born from PEN America’s DREAMing Out Loud workshops founded and led by award-winning novelist Álvaro Enrigue, and writers Charlie Vázquez and Lisa Ko.

Finding Herself at John Jay
Watson-Starcevic, who had tabled the idea of going to college after learning about her status, first came across John Jay during a class trip. “I was taking a Forensic Science course in high school and we would visit John Jay from time-to-time. I’ve always been a very justice-focused individual, advocacy is so important to me, and what those trips to John Jay did, was put that dream of college back into my line of sight,” she said. It was during one of these trips where she learned that even as an undocumented student she could apply to John Jay. “I thought I couldn’t go to college. There was so much I didn’t know at the time. There wasn’t an Immigrant Student Success Center. Immigration wasn’t a major news headline. The link between the word Dreamers and immigrants didn’t exist,” said Watson-Starcevic. “I spoke to a guidance counselor and was told, ‘Yes, college is possible.’”

Once at John Jay, Watson-Starcevic, a first-generation college student, admits she struggled. Her sister, who came with her from Jamaica, passed away after finally getting her papers. “Imagine working your whole life to get those papers, and after you get them, you’re gone. It’s so horrible,” she said. And at school, Watson-Starcevic was feeling out of place. “I wanted to be a lawyer, but found everything to be so structural that it was difficult for me to navigate in those spaces.” What Watson-Starcevic realized was that she needed to express herself and advocate in a different, more creative manner. “I wasn’t your typical John Jay student. A lot of people questioned why I remained at the school after I switched to an English major, it is after all the College of Criminal Justice,” she said. “I stayed because John Jay is also the kind of college that allows students to find their purpose. The faculty and staff let students know advocacy can take on many forms in different disciplines.” After switching her major, and adding Art as a minor, Watson-Starcevic found her groove. She joined the Honors Program, earned fellowships and internships, and is now at New York University for graduate school studying Creative Writing. “I was lost for a long time and John Jay allowed me to find myself again. It’s where I found passion for my creativity, and it's where I learned how powerful and transformative art can be.”

Finding Her Voice at Dreaming Out Loud
It was during a Dreamers event at John Jay that Watson-Starcevic came across a PEN America flyer promoting the DREAMing Out Loud workshop. The tuition-free writing workshop, offered to undocumented immigrant students CUNY-wide since 2016, gives students the chance to develop original writings and empowers them to use their voices to help change the misinformation on immigrants. For Watson-Starcevic, the workshop felt like coming home. It was the first time she found herself in a room with people that understood her struggles. “What the DREAMing Out Loud workshop provides is a safe space to unpack feelings that are so heavy. Everyone in that room is hurt. Everyone in that room knows fear all too-well,” she said. At each workshop, one writer would read what they’ve written. Then they’d get feedback from Álvaro and the rest of the group. “What surprised me most was how everyone in the room just got it. At the workshops, you express your story on a human level with people who understand your story because it’s their story as well. It’s a story of hope and fear.” According to Watson-Starcevic, with each workshop, each student’s voice grew stronger and louder, and with it, so did the desire to advocate for other undocumented students. “These stories hit you to your core, they energized each and every one of us. We were a group that started off mousy, speaking in whispers, and through this experience we became giants.”

During her years at the workshop, Watson-Starcevic was able to perform her pieces to public audiences, including at the PEN World Voices Festival held at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe in New York. “I remember how nervous we all were the first time. Reading our writings publicly to strangers about our experiences as undocumented individuals, in these political times, was terrifying. But Álvaro turned to us and said ‘I want you to all go out there and read like the Gods that you are.’ We took that to heart and we knew what we were doing was courageous and that the words we were saying and the stories we were telling needed to be heard.”

Finding Hope in the Future
Those workshops have led to the DREAMing Out Loud: Voices of Undocumented Students anthology. Seeing four of her pieces in the book is a humbling experience for Watson-Starcevic, who immediately shared the book with her nephew (the son of her sister that passed) and her own five-year-old daughter. “What really moved me was seeing my nephew see my name and start to read my words. There is a level of responsibility we have to the next generation, to teach them these stories, and ignite their desire to stand up for others,” she said. “I like to say this book is a battle cry. It’s about the undocumented finding inner strength, raising their voices, and being heard. And it’s a call to supporters of Dreamers to stand side-by-side with them and fight the good fight.”